Taken in Hand

I concede that I am a walking contradiction.  I’m a little bit of everything and a whole lot of making the rest up.  My views on marriage, femininity and men are no exception to this rule. When I make the courageous decision for describing components of my relationship to the willing, and sometimes unwilling, listener, I am usually met with looks of horror. Classic definitions of infidelity, unfairness and abuse line the dark cloud that I choose to sit on.
These glorified looks of fear are some of my greatest joys.  Once I have opened the box of what is my relationship, I often find converts.
I do not believe in ‘romance’ as defined by popular culture.  What is defined as romance to me is often appalling to some and even to the degree of rude to others.  However, this is the way I like it.I’ve never been one to make an opinion without research, so in order to investigate this idea further, I found myself renting and watching as many ‘romantic movies’ as I could find. What I found actually made my stomach spin. I saw cheesy dinner, pretentious gifts, rose bouquets, corny lines and relationships that hit me as being very far from ideal. Sex and the City, The Notebook, Titanic, Made of Honor, My Best Friend’s Wedding, Runaway Bride, etc…yuck.Due to this realization, I refused to only rely on movies in order to satisfy my curiosity. I also interviewed friends who are engrossed in their relationships. It was positively fascinating. .After an entire evening of observation, I noticed that the largest part of the relations was fighting.  The most popular reason for the fight was because neither partner was dominant enough to make a decision for fear of offending the other person.  No thank you, don’t need all that. I like my men aggressive with a lot of asshole on the side. I hate non-genuine gifts, expensive dinners that are better cooked at home, and I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed seeing flowers, let alone receiving them.  Instead,I will gladly take a cheap restaurant, and orders in the home.   I maintain a “Taken in Hand” relationship. This means that I concede everything the man in my relationship. Every decision is his and I aim to please him.  He asks for my input but the final decision is his and I follow every time.He comes first.  In everything. I as permission for every decision I come across and he controls everything that impacts my life. This includes my clothing, hair color, store purchases, etc. Sounds very one-sided, well, it is. Is it unfair…no. Well, then, what do I get in return? I get to know that I am taken care of.  It is his responsibility to ensure that all my needs are met and if I am unable to take care of them on my own, it is his job to meet them for me.   If a decision goes wrong, it is his fault, and he does not have the option of passing blame or for not making the decision.  That is the bargain that has been made. We never fight.  In over five years, I have never had more than a simple disagreement, where I ultimately conceded.  There is nothing to fight about when both parties are in agreement most of the time.

Very rarely, do I ever have moments of boredom. My partner understands the type of person that I am, and I am fortunate enough to have a partner that is an excellent planner as well as being highly active.  I never spend a night not having something or another to do. The best part of this arrangement is the fact that I get to live in a relationship of complete and total honesty.  I never have to worry about hiding things that I might find embarrassing, because he knows everything about me from head to toe and all the blushing parts in between.  We are completely open with each other about wants, needs and desires.  I never have to worry what he is thinking, or how he feels, because we share this information with each other often.  Living in a world where everything is transparent eliminates the needs for mind games, temper tantrums and I never have to worry about him disapproving of my actions, because he helps dictate the results.
Comparing where I am with what I ‘could have’, I will gladly leave the latter and take the present.  “Screw the roses, send me the thorns.”

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