Anxiety

I have certainly been feeling quite a bit of it lately.

There have been some wonderful developments in my life recently, and because of that, there have been a major increase in the eustress in my life.  I am working as hard as I can now to make sure the eustress does not turn into distress.

Within the past week, there have been an exceptional amount of opportunities for me.   I was invited to an interview for a school in Hong Kong, I was accepted into the University of Alaska Fairbanks for my Bachelor’s degree program, I’m in the final stages of settling my two car accidents from last year, and finally I am in the process of wrapping up this school year with the charter school I currently work in.

Z8F_Mr_Anxious

Lots of exciting opportunities, but as with the inverse of Murphy’s Law, everything that can happen will at the most inconvenient time.

As I am taking the next steps into my future, I feel somewhere between running  a marathon and treading water.  I feel like my future is moving very fast, which is an awesome feeling, but now I’m in the position where I need to wait for things to go through.

There are 33 days of this school year left, and this is before I can start preparing for my move overseas as well as going full effort into school again.

My anxiety is catching up with me.  I can’t sleep, and my appetite is draining as well.  When I lay down, and try to sleep, my brain begins doing pirouettes, thinking about everything I am excited about but also interjecting everything I am afraid of all at the same time.

For example, something as simple as planning to take pictures to celebrate leaving.  I have a dream where I am planning a photoshoot in chinese traditional garments, and I walk in to have my makeup and hair done.  The woman styling my hair takes a pair of scissors and cuts all of my hair off.  I look in the mirror of my dream and see myself disfigured and ugly because of my new hair.  This image was so real, that I wasn’t able to go back to sleep.

I’m hopeful that after my interview, and after I’m finally registered for classes and get on some kind of schedule things will settle down both physically and mentally for me.   I’m excited about the new beginnings, but the reality of the change I think is what scares me the most.

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